Annoyed, But in a Healthy Way

Be prepared for a convoluted entry; my thoughts right now are a bit convoluted. (In a good way! Although sometimes being challenged is humbling and disagreeable.) This week, I've been slightly annoyed by conversations with God. Not in a bad way of course, but I kind of wish I didn't have to hear what He's had to say over the past few days (quasi-rhyme!). It's inconvenient; as Al Gore would title a movie, it's "An Inconvenient Truth." If there were a spectrum of Christians in the world, I suspect that I would be on some sort of extreme. I dislike capitalism, the emphasis on having to get married, the self-righteousness, the ignorance, the guardedness, and boringness that characterizes at least much of Western Christianity. I don't really have a problem with being a black sheep in the Christian crowd; it challenges me to really know what I think, and look to Him for guidance. I comfort myself by thinking that if people think I'm crazy, Jesus will be my friend. But I don't know if I always live that out. It's much more pleasant to agree with at least some people. And I have to precede what I’ve been considering as of late with a disclaimer that I’m insanely blessed to have the friends and family in my life; a ginormous proportion of them are so compassionate, thoughtful, and intelligent about their faith that I feel seriously lucky. I suppose what I wish I had was a Christian culture that I fit into, something more defined, something that the Christian Right has I suppose. They’re very tightly knit, that Christian Right, and I suspect that I’m a tad bit envious of how they have people with whom they agree on everything. It’s silly to be envious of this, of course, because without discussion and conversation with people who will dare to differ, and can do so lovingly, it’s awfully tempting to remain stagnant in faith, and ignore how there’s so many more ways to grow in relationship with God.

Still though, it thrills me at times to think that people in this big planet we call Earth have seen the same things in Scripture, and have heard the same things in prayer. I really, really, really enjoy Donald Miller, and am very encouraged when I stumble across an article or blog of someone who differs from the status quo. A lot of times, these same people also love Apple computers, Sufjan Stevens and Death Cab for Cutie, reading Sylvia Plath, New York City, wearing Chuck Taylors, and making fun of George Bush. How delightful that there are people like me in this world! It would be really nice if I could join this club of Christians who I think are cool, and in some way feel allied with them. However. This week I’ve found that there are cracks in what a lot of people who are like me think. Donald Miller requires a big lot of money to go anywhere to speak; even if he had a massive entourage, the size of this honorarium would seem to contradict his chapter on money in Blue Like Jazz. Many of these people who are like my non-look-alike doppelgangers love to destroy the arguments of people who disagree with them, and are seemingly more destructive than constructive. Rather than being deeply sorrowful for some of the ways that the institution of Christianity is messed up, they indulge in destructive attacks when they could spend their breath being constructive. I’m also struck by the lack of reliance on Scripture. There’s this super right-wing Christian blog that helps me to get my bearings, and there are always people of a more progressive ilk who comment on what is said. The people who might say things that I concur with, though, rarely use the Bible to back up what they say, and chastise those who disagree with them for “relying only on the Bible.” What what what? I think it’s pretty hard to rely too much on the Bible. Often they’ll defend this assertion by saying that the Gospel was written from a cultural perspective. I agree to some extent with this, but this statement really only applies to issues of gender and social class in my eyes. Pretty much everything else in the Good Book is quite sound. They also seem to thrive on conflict (not debate) with other Christians; things like wearing dirty clothes to church and using profane language, while not directly sinful in my view, strikes me as simply unloving, and contrary to what Paul taught about accommodating others values.
















Basically, I’ve learned this week that it’s clearly errant to buy into whatever is argued by people who are an awful lot like me. I’m super confident in my values and feelings about God, but I can’t be confident in what others say unless it’s clearly Biblical and Christ-like. I realize this is nothing revolutionary; the fact that people aren’t always right is kind of a foundational belief of my faith. But sometimes I wish that there were more people who I wouldn’t have to explain everything to. More people who could support the causes that I feel strongly about. More people who wouldn’t dismiss me as foolish. In truth though, I shouldn’t need much more than Jesus. No one else is ever going to be as true, as loving, or as pure as Him, and as much as that bites, it’s how it’s going to be for the next sixty years or so of my life, unless I get the bubonic plague or am murdered by a serial killer. So that leaves me at square one, with me, Jesus, and some friends and family who I know are intentional about doing a good job of living this think we call life. And that's all I need.

Last night, my beautiful, sassy, genius sister of a best friend received an award from the Edmonton Public School Board for the top marks out of 350 grade 11 students at our fanny pack-tastic school Scona (go Lords! go EPSB!). My family’s had to go to many of these things, and usually we just whisper to each other about how terribly a certain trustee is speaking, how adorable the winner of the city-wide drama award is, or how hysterical it is that people get confused when shaking trustees’ hands. Last night was perhaps the best one we’ve been too. Not only did a choir sing Eine Kleine Nacht Musik a cappella, but the top grade 12 student in Edmonton had some truly inspiring words, and there was some gorgeous art and oboe music to be taken in over the course of the evening. Awards nights like these remind me of how important it is to live life well. This doesn’t necessarily mean getting top marks, making really cool sounds with a reed instrument, or starting a math competition club, but it does mean glorifying God with what He’s given you. It’s hard to really do that sometimes with my job, volunteering, school, family stuff, church, and a social life, but it’s inestimably important I think. On a series of unrelated tangents, Rona Ambrose’s inane ideas have been scrapped by the Conservatives, which makes me exceedingly happy. Also, when walking across the field in front of Corbett Hall in the rain, it is delightful to imagine you are Elizabeth Bennet. And finally, I think that Indira Samarasekera should encourage professors to make school less strenuous; I would appreciate that. Hope everything is well with you! You’re all pretty cool, just because I said so. (I need sleep. And less cold symptoms. These facts are likely evidenced by the preceding jumble of sentences.)