Through the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

It did snow! It may have been a snowfall consisting of the slightly pathetic species of snowflakes that melt once they reach the ground, but there were snowflakes, and I was thrilled. The employment of snow socks is evidently highly effective; I’ve proven it scientifically. My dear friend Jil blogged recently about how often it is “un-motivation” that causes us to blog. Especially for those of us who are students, a lack of desire to engage in productive studying often translates into a desire to blog, and that was clearly the case on Monday night when my sociology notes were less than alluring. I certainly don’t envy those of you who have had multiple midterms this week; hopefully this weekend will be a bit more fun than I generally find concerning myself with GPAs and colouring in scantron bubbles with the good old HB #2. Learning is lovely, but writing exams is not-so-lovely. My Eskies are playing on Saturday afternoon, and I’m very hopeful that we’ll be able to regain our dignity and avenge our loss to the Argos last week. I’ll be there with my foam finger, good luck pom-poms, and other assorted green and gold regalia. Don’t lose hope yet fellow fans; we will make the playoffs, I have little doubt.

I often suspect that all you people who know me well find me highly predictable (though hopefully you'll continue to love me nonetheless!). My fondness for the absurd, enjoyment of the sky, disdain for conventional Christian culture and politics, sadness over our human nature, and intense stubbornness are rather reliable. So perhaps it should come as no surprise that I’ve been kind of distressed by the news over the past couple of days. The mounting death toll in Iraq (600,000?! while it’s likely not entirely accurate, that’s still abysmal), the Conservatives’ shoddy environmental policies, North Korea’s tragic penchant for nuclear weaponry, and the UN study on violence experienced by children have all dismayed to some extent. However, the reality of it is that while I’ll continue to pray for peace, parity, and a growing knowledge of Christ in this world, we’ll never reach a utopian state until Jesus comes back, because of the ramifications of Genesis 3. That’s really difficult for me to acknowledge. I get kind of weary of people asking why a good God lets bad things happen; it’s because that’s what we’ve chosen, because of big, bad, ugly sin. But I suppose I ask that less explicitly when I’m super perturbed with how messed up things are in this world. This is not to say that there isn’t an awful lot of beauty to soak up in life; when you really take time to listen to people, there’s nearly always something truly lovely to appreciate in each individual. God’s creation is unbelievably gorgeous, and there are so many things to be savoured by the five senses every day. It Is a struggle, for me at least, to balance recognition of our need for God with recognition of the massive blessings in life.

















When I was younger, I was annoyed that speakers in youth conferences would often send contradictory messages about trusting God. One person would share with us what a struggle it was to rely on God and worship Him in a time of desolation and seeming hopelessness, while another would suggest that “our generation” is especially selfish in how we only turned to God when we felt the need for Him more acutely. As I often do when something faith-related is bothering me, I talked this over with my dad. What it boils down to ultimately is using both pain and joy to further a dependence on, and relationship with, God. My devotions a few days ago concentrated on 2 Corinthians 12, and in this passage I was challenged to see my weaknesses as my strengths. I can understand how vulnerability would help me to deepen a reliance on Him, but I find it really testing to actually pray a prayer of gratitude for my personal struggles, and yet that’s what I did. This is part of what Joyce Heron describes as Jesus’ “upside down kingdom,” and It really does feel strange to be thankful for something that makes everything else a tad bit more trying. But that’s what we’re called to do. My favourite Proclaimers song as a child was “The More I Believe” (it’s still one of my faves to belt out in the car), with a chorus that goes, “the less I believe in me, the more I believe in thee.” It’s a pretty simple lyric to understand, but to really live that out isn’t always easy for me.

I was convicted on Sunday by Blaine’s challenge to be thankful for three of the greatest adversities in my life. The one struggle in my life that always sticks out now is leaving my old church; that was a seriously difficult transition, and it’s still odd at times not fellowshipping with that group of people on at least a weekly basis. It was something I prayed about a great deal, and I know that we were listening to God, but it was tough to rejoice in that. So much of my social support seemed distant all of the sudden, and it was tricky to be my strange self in a larger community. But, of course, looking back I can see how God used my weakness. I can see the many, many blessings that have come out of that time, and how He continues to build on what I initially found pretty unpleasant and stifling. I’ve posted a video I made in a moment of iMovie procrastination with leftover clips of a Nativity video we made. I think it fails to fully convey how cool the community at my old church is’ it’s awfully tricky to see their rich personalities and resilient spirits. But just trust me on how cool they are. This is a group of believers who dealt with so much anguish, and yet were some of the most loving, joyful people I’ve ever known in my life. I love, love, love them. It’s seriously hard to thank God for their lessened presence in my life. Conversely, though, it’s important for me to keep in mind that reliance on God isn’t just for those times when I especially feel the need for comfort and grace. I think this can be equally testing because it’s awfully tempting to take it all for granted and forget who’s given me this precious gift that we call life. I feel like I’ve just stated several enormously obvious things, but I suppose that while these facts are terribly apparent, they’re often easy to dismiss and ignore.



There’s been a serious lack of protests in Edmonton in the past while; the last one I felt was worthwhile in recent memory was ages ago in first year. But, as luck would have it my friends, there’s an opportunity to make a statement about global poverty this weekend at the Legislature grounds. There’s an event at 2:30 hosted by the Make Poverty History campaign that’s kind of cheesy (they’re attempting to break the Guinness World Record for the most people to simultaneously stand up against poverty), but still important. I promise it will be fun, and is worthy of your participation (if you’re not a fan of poverty, that is). Also of arguably equal importance is my trip to New York, because vacations are really vital to this world’s social fabric. Or maybe not. But if you would like to waste some time, I’ve included a video of snippets of Nicole and my trip to the incredibly amazing, and potentially hippest place of all, NYC. I didn't have my camera Darwin for the first couple of days, so there was some footage I took with Einstein the video camera. There's a plethora of clips of me resembling a psychopathic murderer, but I assure you that there were sane moments in the course of the trip. I just felt it cathartic to purge my silliness, and apparent viciousness, with a camera while Nicole had a shower. There's excess footage of the Pete Yorn concert and celebrity sighting of the Duff sisters (sick), so I apologize for their prominence in the video. Photos are up on Flickr now, as well. And finally in this paragraph of tidbits, I would like to iterate my annoyance with Christians lifting up certain celebrities, and figures of religious authority, as being perfect or superior to others. I do think that it’s great that individuals like Mother Teresa have often represented our faith to others, but when Mel Gibson becomes a recognizable face of Christianity to the world, trouble awaits.



Christians who Cait Deems Cool and Worthy of Learning through Example

• as aforementioned, Mother Teresa
• Martin Luther King, Jr.
• Martin Luther
• my parents (slight bias on this one)
• Mr. Donald Miller
• Jimmy Carter
• Desmond Tutu
• KP Yohannan
• Grandma and Grandpa Toller

Quotes for Today

• "To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeded!" Ralph Waldo Emerson
• "The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms." George Santayana
• "One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Matthew 12:28-31
• "It's a durable box." My Philosophical Cousin Luke Describing a Purse