Pros of an Edmonton Summer for Crystal
- paint and wear coveralls all summer
- hang out with Ranger on days off
- experience more sunshine than B.C. could ever offer
- I’ll be here to limit her exposure to cancer-causing sunburns
- going to the Mustard Seed
- get lots of photos taken by me of you and your snow cones
- splash around in the City Hall and Legislature fountains
- use my sister’s bike and go around Belgravia and the river valley
- read my essays
- camp in Alberta (this is almost on par with B.C. camping!)
- see me flail around on a skateboard
- come to the art gallery and slide down quasi-priceless pieces of art
- join Jess, Cait, and friends at football games and learn about the excellence of the Eskies
- fall in love with Ricky Ray and Sean Flamingo
- attend my theme parties, picnics, and potential sleepovers
- get started on Bible Study Bonanza Fall 2006
- learn about the joy of the Folk Festival (there’s even sumo wrestling, snow cones, tight pants, and absurd dancing!)
- eat way too much food and celebrate Ireland at Heritage Days
- force me to go on roller coasters at the celebration formerly known as Klondike Days
- enjoy an Albertan Canada Day with fireworks, parades down Whyte, and post-horrific-Canada-day-Whyte-disaster paranoia
- observe the hilarity and amusements at the Streetperformer’s Festival
- watch at times offensive, and at other times fantastic, Fringe plays and shenanigans
- listen to the crazy antics of cool black people at the Blues Festival
- take in a bunch of whacky, hilarious art at The Works
- enjoy the incomprehensibly strange C&Cers
- hang out on Whyte while wearing mini skirts and strappy tank tops (I know this is your secret dream)
- have fires in various places around Edmonton
- burn your notes in a celebratory ceremony
- make use of Rutherford’s plethora of books
- see a lot of indie movies and concerts
- meet Richard Simmons and Jake Gyllenhaal, who vacation in Edmonton in the summer
- play tennis, beach volleyball, soccer, and ridiculous games
- vent to me about potential painting-caused soreness
- witness firsthand the slow dwindling of Ralph Klein’s reign
- not have to move your boatload of stuff to another province
- the reasons that Edmonton people will post in the comments section of this blog, if they have time of course
- there are way more, but I’ve gotta head out for work (I’ll add more in my notebook and share them with you pre-Crystal-verdict-time)
Pros of a Terrace Summer for Crystal
- gain a love for dressy clothes
- hone your skills on fax machines
- spend time with the fabulous, Crystal-blessed people of Terrace
- take in the glory of somehow better-than-Albertan mountains
- escape Ralph Klein
- escape gnomes (but Dick is slowly falling in love with you; you shall undoubtedly break his heart)
- save some dough
- purchase a digital camera
- return to the coolest Salvation Army church I’ve ever heard about
- take part in more sightings of the Terrace-residing bears
- visit camp and all of the delightful people at camp
- see the not-so-cool fireworks on Canada Day in Terrace
- make the most of a non-ugly place where plastic siding does not plaster increasing numbers of homes, and big box stores to not pervade the landscape (though there is a Wal-Mart, so it can’t be ginormously prettier than Edmonton)
- the reasons that Terrace people will post in the comments section of this blog, if they read this blog of course
- a variety of other reasons that I’m likely neglecting (such as the fact that you are a masochist, and want to miss out on Edmonton fun)
5 comments:
You have no reason to go back to terrace!!! Stay in wonderful edmonton!!Please?? Pretty please??? Pretty please with a cherry on top????
Yay Rob! I am very hopeful that this comment, along with the ones that Andrew PROMISED he was working on will make all the difference. Despite her quasi-abhorrence of cherries (maybe put a strawberry on top instead), she does generally enjoy congeniality as much as I do (except for fake congeniality, which that was obviously not), and there were three polite words in that comment! But we mustn't guilt Crystal into staying here... Though this is effectively what I'm doing. I shall come up with more reasons:
More Edmonton Reasons
- Rob says Edmonton is wonderful, therefore Edmonton is wonderful
- you have not yet visited the farmer's market
- we can be very cost-effective in Edmonton by creating meals from samples at Save-On Foods and going to the art gallery on free days (you will join me at the gallery someday! I will put you in a wheelbarrow and cart you in)
- as discussed yesterday, we have a superfluity of whole wheat in this province
- your province is home to cherries
- you won't miss out on golf, Winter Passing and other fabulous films, Jeremy-in-sailor-outfit, C&C, barefoot Whyte walking, rabies campus day, cool outfits and dances at the Folk Fest potentially with Jenna, the likely first meetings of the "socialist" Bible study as some people now refer to it, the left-handed tennis tournament that is in the works, my at times amusing allergies, Alberta's best feature: gorgeous summer skies, the huge list of bands that are now confirmed to come to the City of Champions this summer (yay!), visiting Sam the bird with donuts in hand, summer protests, sun bathing (not tanning) in Gazebo Park or Hawrelak or in front of Corbett Hall, feeding malicious ducks, seeing me akwardly hand water glasses and offering plates to people, learning how to shumka dance, Rob maybe buying Converse (in addition to Andrew; Converse are pretty much taking over the world), taking my portable turntable to strange places in Edmonton, and actually teeter-tottering in the drug dealer-favoured Tipton Park
- you will receive a hopefully animal-product-free bongo from Richard Simmons
- we can go to a bar where wearing strange cowboy hats won't be quite so strange
- I will remember Joe's number
- you will not forget your own phone number while away for four months
- there really are Albertan downpours; we are always in B.C. during major Edmonton disasters (the insane flood two summers ago, the tornado before Jess was born, the Whyte Ave. Canada day madness: things go badly when I'm not here to protect everyone) but there really are torrents of rain sometimes
- there are a surfeit of rabbits in Edmonton, even in the summer, and thus you can either choose to dislike (and perhaps run them over on bicycles) or love them; note to vegetarians reading this: I would never run bunnies over on a bicycle (maybe just a unicycle)
- you can remember again how much happier I am without a curfew
- there are evening plans for: Arrested Development night, Hitchcock night, Crash night, musical night, Star Wars night (taking precedence over Disney movie night, though we'll have Disney movie night if you stay), Scrubs night, terrible movie night, subtitled movie night, documentary movie night, sleeping on the balcony, night picnics, swining in the rain or strong winds, prank-playing, late night skipping, street dancing, and star gazing
- there is actually attractive plant life in Edmonton in the summer months
- you won't have to face the whining of Canucks fans upon your return to Terrace after the Oilers totally top you in the standings
- there are really fabulous triathalons in the summer here in which people wear excellent shorts, are impressively athletic, and a great deal of cheering takes place
- we can cheer for random people and people I know in the various races that take place around Edmonton
- you can slowly wean yourself off of your intense love of B.C.'s perpetual precipitation (so that when you hear that it's raining/snowing, you'll only shout for joy at about 120 decibels)
- you can observe and participate in the expertise of my dad's tarp run
- I will finally burn your CDs, write letters to Brock, and make a Hitler collage for you
- you can make Jake Gyllenhaal not cry by not crushing his dreams; there's going to be enough crying associated with Jake when I tear up during Brokeback, so you don't want anymore weepiness I'm sure
More Terrace Reasons
- Chelsie is pretty much the coolest girl I've heard about and not yet met (the end of April will be quite fabulous, I'm sure)
- all of the best Chelsie fun can be had (the most amazing things I've heard about involve sleepovers in a single bed, her great taste in car decorations, her aptitude with math, people-catching games, really extended subjection to your church's night services, and excellent encouragement of you to do slightly less-Crystal-typic activities, though I don't think she had anything to do with the Hilary Duff dance other than lots of laughing)
- you have mountain games that sound exceedingly fantastic, which would take a four hour drive to play if you stick around here
- your lovely, though apparently humungous, dog will kind of take the place of Ranger (maybe he's so big that he could do some semi-show jumping)
- there will actually be some cool people other than Chelsie in Terrace over the summer who will do fun, crazy, and constructive things with you (but not attend festivals, because only Edmonton has a grand amount of festivals)
- you can do sadistic things to Smithers if you want to
- you can learn how to deal with disappointment when the B.C. Lions (who I don't think you really care about that much) fail to win a single game against my Eskies (because Danny Maciocia has a way cooler accent than Wally Buono)
- there will be far more possibilities for sand fun, since the sand in Edmonton's playgrounds doesn't make the best sandcastles, and it's not deep enough to bury someone in
- you can attend rallies (if there are any...) for Nathan Cullen, the coolest MP for Skeena-Bulkley Valley ever, and always on-the-ball critic for Environment, National Parks, and Youth (all important portfolios)
- you can get less of a cancer-causing tan because Edmonton has more sun and you will be inside far more with your Terrace job
- I will be highly entertained by any footage of you faking enthusiasm on television that I ever stumble across
- I will come up with more, and perhaps post them here
Great compolation of reasons for Edmonton being the the best place for Crystals summer!
As promised I am going to add my own few to this list [although not nearly as extensive as Caits]
- you will miss the dinner extravaganza's that i am planning
- there will be no one else to back Cait up when i go on my rants
- how will you be able to plan out all of the crazy decorations for your place with jenna next year
- how will you go garage saling for random artifacts for the coolest place next year
- you will miss all of the times i should have really just kept my mouth shut, but said something stupid [ie, you aren't fat!]
- there are many more restaraunts on whyte ave that jenna and i will need others to go with
- you will miss the many movies that will be coming out, and won't be able to enjoy their goodness with us all
- how could Cait survive without her siamese twin [since you are both connected at the hip]
- the rumored C*C camping trip that will be extremely fun!
- the purchase of my digital camera will holds great potential for funness
To be fair, I should add a few perks of moving to Terrace [although none of them hold a light to the reasons to staying in Edmonton]:
- you can enjoy the fresh mountain air
- all of our stories will be true, and they will be new
At least Crystal is finding these comments amusing! If she doesn't hang around, at least she can imagine the absurdity of hanging around. But I'm writing again because a few clarifications need to be made! Crystal likes some cherries, just not cherry flavouring. Thus the cherry on top of the please could be well-received indeed. Also, Crystal and I are NOT siamese twins! We have many other friends hopefully, though we do hang out together a lot while at church, during C&C, or on breaks. Plus, there are a zillion fabulous Terrace people! And a few of them will even actually be in Terrace this summer.
I must also add that the Canucks are so going down. All the Canucks sock-wearing in the world couldn't help them beat the Sharks tonight, and the Oilers have many special powers that have been discussed previously (no evil twins, two Smith/Smyths, really dapper coaches, oil money, semi-decent jerseys, a lack of killer whales and threatening Bertuzzis, and the lingering hope of attaining the dynasty status of the '80s). The Canucks are schmucks. The Oilers are Eulers (pronounced just like Oilers, but the plural form of a Swiss mathematician; this is the coolest option that my rhyming dictionary came up with, since broilers aren't all that fascinating).
how about if i promise to do totally random stuff all summer? would that make crystal stay??? OR we could do more visits to the "wilderness" between that one road and hawrleck park!! i'm pretty sure i saw a deer in there, or perhaps it was a kangaroo... i'm definitely thinking it was a kangroo because this is totally their native habitat!!!
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